Chapter 8: Lizard Man Strikes Back

Stacy was forced to lie down in the back of the van, hands tied and mouth gagged. Two Blood-Eyed Cat Syndicate members guarded her, though this was quite unnecessary: it was quite clear there would be no escape for Stacy this time.
As the van got closer and closer to whatever final destination it was headed towards, Stacy couldn’t help but panic. Her panic wasn’t even for herself, however; she kept thinking about what the fate of Quincy O’Snappers and Grumbles would be. Grumbles had sacrificed himself to the molten cheese to save her, and Quincy, her best friend for almost her entire life, had tried in vain to save her and failed. It was all her fault; she had put those two in danger, all because of the promise she made to her husband Optimus that she would guard the Golden Pony of Kubla-Kahn that he had won at an auction a few years back. He had told her that it was of the utmost importance that it be kept from the Blood-Eyed Cat Syndicate, but when questioned as to why, he admitted that he didn’t know, it was just what his father Voltron had told him, and he suspected that even the venerable and wise Voltron didn’t know the true purpose of the pony either.
If only someone, anyone, could have told her what the pony was truly for; Lizard Man had been in possession of it before Voltron, according to grandpa Dustin, so why couldn’t he have told her what powers this glorious marvel held when he had rescued her just the night before? It seemed to Stacy that everyone was trying to keep information held from her, when that was truly all she wanted. Why was everyone hiding things from her? Before she could continue this inner emotional monologue, the men guarding her started to speak to one another.
“You know, we’ve been given permission to administer the tickle torture,” the first said with a wry smile.
“Eh, do what you want,” the second said with apathy. “I like my girlish giggles like I like my sugar cane: Puerto Rican.”
“Suit yourself,” the first man replied as he pulled out a feather duster and removed Stacy’s shoe and sock. Before he had a chance to apply the dreadful tickle torture to Stacy’s delicate feet, however, a loud banging was heard on top of the van. All three looked up, and suddenly, without warning, a hand punched through the roof, followed by a second, and then both worked in tandem and pulled the roof clean off. Immediately following this crazy turn of events, Lizard Man dropped right into the pow-wow.
“That’s no way to treat a young lady,” he said in his trademark beautiful voice. While the would-be tickle torturer was dazed by the wonderful voice, Lizard Man grabbed him by the shirt collar and tossed him out of the van, via the new sun roof. In a single fluid motion, Lizard Man then cut the ropes binding Stacy and removed the gag.
“Thank you, Lizard Man,” Stacy was barely able to whisper. “I-I don’t know what I would do without you...”
“Don’t thank me until we’re out of this one, ma’am,” Lizard Man replied. “We’ve still got to save your buddies back there.”
“Wait, you mean you didn’t save them first!? But there’s no chance we have of saving them now…”
“Anything’s possible with Lizard Man around, lady. Trust me.” As he said this, he looked Stacy directly in the eye, and at that moment, combined with that lovely voice, Stacy knew that there was no one in the world more capable for this kind of situation than Lizard Man.
“What makes you think you’re getting away?” the other Blood-Eyed Cat Syndicate member asked, just coming out of his stupor. He was now holding a bazooka in his hands. “I’ve been ordered that you’re to die rather than escape again.”
“I hope you can fly then,” Lizard Man said with boredom in his voice. Then, with the speed that only a lizard could hope to emulate, he pulled a bag of skittles out of his pocket, quickly put a handful in his mouth, and blasted off into the sky with Stacy in tow, leaving behind only a rainbow aura trail and a scathing remark of “Taste the Rainbow, sucka.”
The Blood-Eyed Cat Syndicate member, instead of even trying to fire at the flying Lizard Man with his bazooka, instead dropped it to the ground. In fact, he did taste the rainbow at this moment. In a sudden rush of knowledge, he realized everything he had done wrong with his life. Joining the Blood-Eyed Cat Syndicate was bad, sure, but his life had made a turn for the worse all the way back in high school when he had first started snorting Pixie Stix, in a hopeless attempt at looking cool in front of the girls. When this had failed, he started his life of crime, in the hopes that he would one day become a famous cat-burglar and steal the Ruby of the Sailing Phoenix, and then meet a hot cat burglar wife and live out the rest of their days on a cabin down by the sea side. In his heart the man knew it had always been a silly plan, but he couldn’t help but try to hold on to this one hope.
“Thank you, Lizard Man,” the newly rejuvenated man whispered into the night amidst a flurry of tears. “Thank you for giving me my life back. You are the man.”
Many miles away, Lizard Man and Stacy finally landed in the forest where they had first met and this crazy story first started. Lizard Man gently let Stacy down, fully knowing that flying on a rainbow aura for the first time can be a bit crazy. After she finally settled down, she let out.
“Why are we here!? We need to go and save Quincy and Mr. Grumbles!”
“There will be plenty of time for that soon enough, Stacy. They are in no immediate danger at the time being. But I want to now take the time to explain everything to you.”
“Everything?” Stacy asked doubtfully.
“Everything that you and your friends and family have risked your life for for generations now.” Lizard Man then took a seat on a stump, and sighed like a man much older in years than Stacy had expected.
“Now prepare to have your mind blown,” Lizard Man said.