Chapter 5: Grumbles

Stacy let out a shriek at the sight of the talking bear. In response, the bear roared an even louder “GRRRRRRRRUUUMBLES!” Quincy O’Snappers, not wanting this vicious cycle of screaming to continue, demanded silence. Stacy and the bear both complied, although they continued to eye each other most suspiciously.
“Stace, this is the Grumbles your grandpa was talking about,” he said. “You’ve been out for a couple hours, and I’ve been talking to him for a while.”
“So now there’s a talking bear thrown into the mix?” Stacy asked.
“Excuse me, miss,” Grumbles began irritably. “I am not merely a talking bear. You shouldn’t judge people based on appearance alone; I’d have thought the granddaughter of the noble and wise Dustin Powell would have learned this lesson long ago.”
“Well excuuuuuuuse me, Grumbles,” Stacy said angrily. “I’m just not used to being roared at and then given a lesson in politeness by a talking bear.” At this, Grumbles gave a chuckle, obviously greatly amused by this predicament.
“My dear Stacy, I was merely yankin’ your chain. I understand the situation completely; in your mental absence your friend Quincy here explained to me all that has happened. If the Blood-Eyed Cat Syndicate is your enemy, then I will protect you with all I have in me. GRRRRRRUUUUMBLES!” the bear ended dramatically.
“Awww, thanks Mr. Grumbles,” Stacy said. “You’re a pretty cute talking bear when you’re not screaming. So what’s our next plan of action, then?”
“Well my lady, I would advise that we stay here until morning; traveling through the sewers at this hour, what with all the mutant alligators and the like, is quite dangerous, even for a talking bear. Until then, I would be glad to share my succulent honey with the both of you.”
The friends agreed to the proposition of Grumbles the bear, and for the first time in days were finally able to relax. Grumbles proved to not only be a talking bear of great eloquence, but a freakin’ funny bear as well. He told many a joke, all of which had great punchlines that he created during his spare time in the sewers. The greatest of which was a joke about a Turkish massage owl eating ice cream from the hands of a Cyclops. It’s too raunchy to be repeated in this here story, but rest assured, it was a veritable knee-slapper.
After hours of exchanging jokes, Stacy finally got around to the obvious question that everyone in the universe had to have been wondering:
“So what’s up with the fact that you’re a talking bear?” she asked. Grumbles’ attitude became instantly somber and sad as he looked down into his honey pot. A sniffling was heard, and as Grumbles looked back up into the eyes of Stacy, a lone tear went down the bear’s furry, furry cheek. Quincy grasped the bear’s shoulder, in an obvious attempt to be his bro, and Grumbles responded to this positively.
“Years ago, I was just your average bear, stealing pick-a-nick baskets all willy nilly like. It was the life. When the Blood-Eyed Cat Syndicate came into power, they built a research station close to my forest home. My fuzzy woodland critter friends and I tried to revolt, but we were all captured.
“While in their grasp, they started to perform experiments on us. I watched as all my squirrel, raccoon, rabbit, and blue-footed booby friends succumbed to the abuse of these horrible scientists. I am not sure how I survived; I think it was through sheer force of will. Normally not even that would be enough, but bearing in mind that I’m a bear, it must have been enough. With each of my friend’s deaths, both my anger and sorrow grew and grew.
“Months went by, and I was the only one left. After seeing my resilience, they started testing more and more crazy chemicals on me. One day, when they were going to give me a shot, I screamed out a ‘NOOOOOOOOOO, GRRRUUUUUMBLES!’ The scientists were amazed at this predicament, and immediately took me into a different section of the facility to do more research on me.
“The scientists in this new section of the lab were very kind to me. They treated me with more honey than I could ever dream of eating, every single day. And, even better than the honey, when I displayed good behavior, they rewarded me with Pokemon Cards. My first pack of cards contained a holographic Snorlax, a bear Pokemon who only wanted to eat and sleep, yet was captured by thoughtless humans and forced to fight other creatures. I greatly sympathized with Snorlax’s plight, and through that magnificent bear I fell in love with Pokemon.
“I became addicted. I soon had more cards than any of the scientist’s children, and most of them were holographics that I obtained through wise trades. My Mewtwo, Blastoise, Alakazam, Poliwrath, Aerodactyl, Vaporeon, Venusaur, Mr. Mime (oh how I loved Mr. Mime and his awkward clown shoes!)...I was unstoppable. The one card that I was always missing, however, was Charizard.
“Years went by in this manner, but no Charizard. One day I was given a pack of cards for reading the entirety of A Tale of Two Cities in two hours, and after I opened it and perused through the cards, I suddenly dropped them all with a gasp. The scientists all noticed and turned around, worried that something had happened. And then they saw what I saw: Charizard, shooting out a freakin’ flamethrower. My life had finally found meaning again.
“That night I was barely able to sleep, I was so excited for my discovery. I tossed and turned all night, and woke up numerous times. In the early hours of the morning, I heard a scientist enter my chambers, but I tried to go back to sleep. Instead of coming over and checking up on me, however, I heard him start to go through my desk drawer. I wondered what he could possibly be doing, when I realized what was happening: he was stealing my Charizard.
“I leapt out of bed in a fury, but alas, he had already grabbed my beloved flying lizard and had ran out of the room and locked the door. I was furious – there was no justice in the world, and I wanted to see, nay, feel its blood on my paws. Once again through sheer force of my bear will, I ripped the door off its hinges and proceeded to massacre the entire facility. I eventually made my way down to the generator room, and took a huge bite out of the nuclear reactor. I escaped with not a second to spare as the entire building exploded.
“I walked through the ashes and debris of the building, looking in vain for my Charizard. Instead, I found the card that started it all: Snorlax. I picked it up and once again found my will to live. I knew that I had to live to start my Pokemon Card collection over once again. And that I did.”
At this, Grumbles pointed to a safe. Stacy and Quincy O’Snappers glanced at each other nervously, realizing they were hanging out with a talking bear obsessed with Pokemon cards. Grumbles either ignored or was entirely oblivious to the duo's wariness and asked:
"What's our itinerary? Where are we headed?"